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Whilst some of us wonder what we should cut out of our diet next to become a fashionable waif, a much larger percentage of people in the world …

Whilst some of us wonder what we should cut out of our diet next to become a fashionable waif, a much larger percentage of people in the world wonder what and when they’ll eat next. When we ask each other: How do you feel today? The answer would probably be depressed, angry or elated. A much larger group of people would probably retort by saying: hungry.

The fashion industry dictates that women have boyish or child-like figures. So many women, who have a hint of curves, are considered fat. Men are even becoming ‘man-orexic’. Women reflect society’s absolute obsession – with their outward appearance – often at the cost of very little personal reflection with a resultant growing emptiness /hunger underneath the surface.

Much like those who really starve, those ‘fashionable waifs’ have the public worrying about their protruding hipbones, collar bones, and ribcages. Are they waiting for the proverbial ‘Knight in Shining Armour’? Is it a cry for nurturing or is it just pure inverted vanity? How does this value get influenced?

I have struggled with staying slim for the greater part of my life. I have retrieved my ‘self-control’ by using diets as a way of not dieting and by ‘cheating’ on one diet with another. The size of my body as the measure for my lovability, and acceptability – even when I was normal weight a sense of disbelief hung over my head like a cloud.

My older sister says: “At least you have a nice face…you ARE clever.” She’s smoked for over 40 years and I have equally never relinquished my relationship chocolate - despite running 60km per month.

The DOVE Beauty Sketches- encourage women to love, value and respect themselves –and have given true beauty a new meaning where it’s a statement of a natural presence and authenticity rather than just outer perfection .The words that come to mind are : “You are more beautiful than your critics think.” It speaks volumes that this advert has been viewed by over 114milion people worldwide.

Should you obsess about your weight as I do, I would have you think of the counterpart to weight loss and become mindful of those who possibly eat once a day and live below the poverty line. The money we spend on Superfoods or consulting with a dietician or weigh loss group could provide an additional meal daily to one whole family.

My challenge is that you donate R50. for every kilo you lose - to a struggling family or a legitimate Feeding Scheme. I dare you!

Let’s see if we can shift our self-indulgence on more than one level!



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The New Year starts and despite my enthusiasm for change and developing new horizons, or finishing books and incomplete projects, getting fitter and healthier …

The New Year starts and despite my enthusiasm for change and developing new horizons, or finishing books and incomplete projects, getting fitter and healthier – there’s no marked difference by mid March ... It seems as like nothing is has happened, or perhaps everything has happened...?

Then BOOM... everything shifts in one week... I’m consciously slimmer and my running times are better! I‘ve re branded SELFe Aphrodite - and we have a foot inside the front door and might soon sneak into the Corporate world with our gender work.

John Briggs in his book: Fire in the Crucible: the Alchemy of Creative Genius states that artists and inventors spend a large amount of time doing nothing.

There is a pattern in such apparent spells of ‘laziness’:
o There’s the conscious contemplation of a challenge / desire for change –when questions are asked: in what direction do I want to take my business or where is my closest and most intimate relationship heading?

o Then there is a period of incubation –without consideration to an answer;

o Then suddenly, and unpredictably illumination seems to come out of nowhere – “as if the problem needs to be forgotten to be solved.”

Our entire Western civilization is proactive - we are taught to admire and seek to emulate those who work more, buy more, try harder, and seem busier. The art of not striving has been lost, and as a result we suffer from a host of stress related illnesses.

“A desert of inspiration” becomes a grand metaphor for the creative limbo of letting go of an old way of being or thinking, and discovering an oasis for the new. This is easier said than done, because lack of control is infuriating to the intellect.

Training the mind with a regular dose of creative indolence strengthens your creativity. You inevitably land on the shore of your imagination and new ideas, energy and enthusiasm seep through and carry you forward into the next chapter.



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A well written opening line from Shakespeare’s play 12th Night that carries so much power- as music shapes our emotions and thoughts at any given moment and makes one feel. …

A well written opening line from Shakespeare’s play 12th Night that carries so much power- as music shapes our emotions and thoughts at any given moment and makes one feel. I once met a surgeon on a Workshop that we ran – who said he never listened to music – when he unearthed the reasoning behind this, he said music made him feel too much. Later he succumbed to the occasional lyrics or music on the workshop and started crying his heart out- this pain eventually turned into laughter as well.

Each word in the song is paired with a specific tone and activates specific centres in the brain and boosts your creativity. Different genres of music will have different properties. It’s always is a personal choice. Listening to 10 -20 mins of music per day music is as easy as it is a practical an easy-to-manage stress management technique executed almost anywhere and anytime that won’t interfere with work or daily routine- unless you have an urge to dance- and that might invigorate both you and those watching you!

What is considered harmonious and a suitable de-stressor will vary, some people find Jazz relaxing and others find Hip-hop invigorating, and classical music irritating. You may know of an app called Deezer- where you’re spoilt for choice at a fee of R60. per month.

Have you ever wondered why all gyms, play a similar brand of type of music? It is because music helps you exercise more and for longer. The music has a strong rhythm and beats and keeps you going – when nothing else does- it even increases your pace.
Music also indirectly enhances social skills as one meets people with various opinions and characters. All of this is mandatory if you are looking for new acquaintances.

Music accesses The Reptilian Brain and makes you feel better – the source of our instincts and natural desires and spontaneity. Music can relieve pain. People who suffer from fibromyalgia to listen to the music 2 hours per day- with positive results.

When this part of one’s brain is replenished you become innovative; enthusiastic and revitalized. Music affects the brain, in releasing more dopamine, a hormone that improves your mood. Listening to the music that you don’t like may have an opposite effect.

Music helps you focus better and increases your concertation capacity . A study conducted back in 2007, by the Stanford University established that baroque music has this benefit. Thomas Moore – the Soul Philosopher and author states “much classical music is subtle and fine and can offer relief from your anxieties. If necessary, develop an ear for it.”



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“Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?”
When did you last detect a half-hearted compliment from a close friend, or ask for a significant opinion and get offered dull neutrality or a plethora of “yes, but … Have you felt the sting of a glance that runs across your body or face from, someone you assumed was your best friend or close relative? …

“Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?”

When did you last detect a half-hearted compliment from a close friend, or ask for a significant opinion and get offered dull neutrality or a plethora of “yes, but … Have you felt the sting of a glance that runs across your body or face from, someone you assumed was your best friend or close relative?

Why deny copying or compete with another woman and cover your tracks with a fake passivity or use politeness or sweetness as a decoy to our true intention. Once the illicit competition is uncovered when the envious person feigns originality - and acts aghast when their action is perceived as a betrayal or disloyalty -and so it becomes impossible to celebrate the other’s action.

So, what is the difference between envy and healthy competition? In competition, the playing field is equal, and the rules are contracted and agreed upon. There may even be opportunities for collaboration and an exchange of ideas and skills further down the line. When envy exits, there is an innate need to become the other person - and with the unlikelihood of this happening, the envious person will seek to malign or destroy the reputation of the person they envy when they fai to “become them’.

One recalls Shakespeare’s famous observation: “The venom clamours of a jealous woman are deadlier than a mad dog’s tooth.” We all remember the poisoned apple the witch offered Snow White, don’t we? How many of us have been offered poisoned apples to bite into by envious women we once thought to be our friends? Or, perhaps we were the ones offering the poison? It is incredibly difficult not to “take a bite”- envy is oddly compelling.

How do we quell our reaction to envy and try not to perpetuate this sinister game?

There consists of FIVE simple steps:

1. Do Nothing. Notice your need to immediately do better or outsmart your adversary. You are most likely to register surprise, rage, vengefulness and pain – as opposed to the healthy competition when there is an innate excitement .

2. Be Authentic. Don’t feign admiration or praise that isn’t naturally forthcoming. Being reactive fuels the flames of envy and gives the envious person the thrill of “having got to you.’

3. Refuse Engagement. There should be no discussion of your common cause- instead engage in other topics freely. Envy does not heal – so it’s best to fade/ reduce contact to the bare minimum. Park the relationship in a neutral place let the it become less and less significant.

4. Acknowledge the loss. When it becomes a predominant feature in the relationship – it may be imperative to create distance and even completely disengage from the relationship. Often the bond has been very close but at some noticeable level been marked by ongoing conflict or subtle unpleasantness.

5. Surround yourself with Women who are loving, receptive, transparent, consistent and have fun with them. Women tend to gossip about one another considerably – remain neutral when this happens -and refrain aware from any form of diminishment of one another.




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Often thoughts of generosity only seem to dawn on one as a reflex to over-spending or over indulgence. Whilst a friend of mine and I have a sumptuous lunch and reflect upon the increasing number beggars and security guards that ambush one in parking lots or at traffic lights, we agree that an entire day giving money away would make no real impact in the bottomless pool of need…

Often thoughts of generosity only seem to dawn on one as a reflex to over-spending or over indulgence. Whilst a friend of mine and I have a sumptuous lunch and reflect upon the increasing number beggars and security guards that ambush one in parking lots or at traffic lights, we agree that an entire day giving money away would make no real impact in the bottomless pool of need.

He says: 'if you want to have an experience of generosity - BE generous. Instead of giving a beggar R5. coin, give away all the money you have in your purse.' Frankly, the idea doesn't cross my mind again - until I'm confronted by a young man selling condoms at a traffic light a week later.

As he puts his face closer to the window I notice that despite only being aged 20years, he has lesions on his face that resemble those associated with an advanced form of HIV infection. I notice that all I want to do is bolt and erase his anguished face from my mind. He knocks on the window and offers me a box of 500 condoms for R20. He insists that he must buy Maize Meal for the week.

As I reach for my purse, and my fingers cross a R5 coin, my friend’s words about emptying my purse echo in my mind. I notice how I amp up my search, but still secretly hope that I only find a R10. What if its R100. note? That’s far too much! I look into my purse: R200. is all I have - nothing else. My newfound ‘salesman’ has his cheek uncomfortably close to mine, and drops the box of 500 condoms on my lap- as if to seal the deal.

I take my time about giving him the money, still uncertain of surrendering to the full expanse of being generous. He walks away and throws his frustrated fists in the air. I'm fold the R200 note into a small square and call him. He opens it whilst walking away, he turns on his heel, and returns to looks me in the eye, and belt out: "God bless you."

In that singular moment I knew the exchange was far greater than the money exchanged ,for a moment we were total equals ,and the exchange had been one of love - as we had for one moment, become one person.


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When my daughter was aged 6 she blurted out: ‘We can do anything boys can do, and have babies...?’
So, who needs men? We do...we need men to prosper.
The ‘metro-sexual’ in the lifestyle sections of magazines, and have all but been replaced by the term ‘retro-sexual’ - where there are abundant tales full of men wearing hunting garb, buying designer swords or axes, and writing about the Art of Manliness on blogs.…

When my daughter was aged 6 she blurted out: ‘We can do anything boys can do, and have babies...?’

So, who needs men? We do...we need men to prosper.

The ‘metro-sexual’ in the lifestyle sections of magazines, and have all but been replaced by the term ‘retro-sexual’ - where there are abundant tales full of men wearing hunting garb, buying designer swords or axes, and writing about the Art of Manliness on blogs.

The truth is: it’s not how men style themselves that will make them whole again -it’s what they do with their days. Susan Faludi, an author on both sexes’ points out that with respect to mankind ‘the sense of manhood often flows out of their utility in a society, not the other way around. When we think that masculinity as something to ‘act’ as if a part to play, it turns manliness into ‘something’ ornamental, and this becomes as ‘masculine’ as fake eyelashes would make a woman feminine.’

In this country, THE MANKIND PROJECT* and The Lords of Bling* have gone a long way in providing a platform for exploring the deep instinctual energy at Men’s core. These programmes restore men’s integrity, accountability, and connection to feeling – leaving them with a renewed sense of passion and personal responsibility.

So let’s embrace the new macho, throw our weight behind men who want to make a change. Women need to get back to the forgotten principles of the original women’s movement, which put men’s progress hand in hand with women’s. ‘The only way that we can resolve these issues is for both men and women to join together,’ says historian Barbara Berg. ‘You can’t liberate only one half.’

Forty years ago, Gloria Steinem said that women’s liberation would also be men’s. Today, maybe it’s the opposite: that men’s liberation will be good for women.

The Lords of Bling
The MANKIND PROJECT


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